van dammage

There are only a few movies that I could say belong in the "I could watch them any time of day on any day of the year and be totally happy" group. Some folks might say that these reside on the ubiquitous Desert Island List but I'm not really sure that mine would qualify as "good enough" to be there. Others might call it their Guilty Pleasures List but, as someone wisely pointed out to me recently, the things which make up that assemblage eventually lose their guilt and just become "pleasures." like The Final Countdown (and I liked that song even before GOB showed up with a knife in his teeth and a deck of cards fanned out in front of his face). But that's a discussion for another time.

All that being said, here's how well my 16-year-old sister, Emma, knows me. She spent $5 at the bargain DVD bin and bought me one of my favorite movies of all time which, for some reason or another, I didn't own until now. 1988's most lasting contribution to the world: Bloodsport.

Let me qualify that statement, though. I am not a Jean Claude Van Damme fan by any stretch of the imagination. Timecop, anyone? I love the fact that this one starts out with, "In the year 2004, time travel is a reality."

Or how about Street Fighter? This one takes place in the futuristic and kickass world of 1994.


But we're not talking about that crap, right? This is Bloodsport, here. I love this movie for the simple reason that it's just plain, eat-your-popcorn-and-grin-for-90-minutes, own-it-for-the-hedonistic-joy-of-it-all, watch-JCVD-desperately-try-to-act, who-cares-if-it's-loosely-inspired-by-a-true-story, great cinema. This movie takes itself so unbelievably seriously that's it's just fun to sit through. In fact, as I said before, I could sit through this movie on any day of the year simply by being asked (most often by TBS or TNT). The fight scenes aren't that bad either and, apparently, they scored a bunch of extra points with the martial arts community by showcasing many different styles.

I have no idea how these movies choose me and, as a matter of fact, there are only 3 others on the list: Big Trouble in Little China, The Hunt for Red October and Sneakers (the last 2 of which sport amazing scores by Basil Poledouris and James Horner, respectively). Add Bloodsport to that and you've got strange bedfellows, indeed.















But whatever. See that face? He makes that at least half a dozen times (the same number of times, incidentally, he performs a full split...usually shirtless) during the proceedings. My favorite is when he does it before breaking the bottom brick in a pile (or, rather, making it explode out of the huge stack with the sheer force of his palm and eyeballs).

Here's a video of him training with his shidoshi (or whatever). I particularly enjoy the climactic part near the end where he's tied up and being tortured on some sort of crude stretcher by the sensei guy. Instead of watching the rope explode in slow motion because the Muscles from Brussels has the strength of 10 normal dudes, he simply crumples to the ground and waits to be untied after this incredible feat of macho libre. Way to go, Mr. Director. Total missed opportunity.

So there's my gratuitous, post-Christmas blog. I also got some other cool stuff (3rd season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, anyone?) but this was the only thing that warranted blog inclusion...it's just soooooo awesome. And lest anyone accuse me of not freaking working, I'll just say that I've got 2 out of the 4 French tunes in the can and a third just a soprano solo's transcription away. I saved the biggest poem for last but I've got a cool harmonic progression in mind to play around with at the keyboard.

Take that.